In Japan, the crane is a sacred animal.
There is a legend that says making one thousand paper cranes can bring happiness and heal the sick. It was made famous internationally when a girl called Sadako Sasaki fell ill. Sadako was diagnosed with leukaemia from radiation due to the atomic bomb that had been dropped on Hiroshima.
Thousands of cranes have been folded for Sadako over the years. She became so much more than her illness. A statue was built for her in the city's peace park for all the children who passed due to that bomb.
It’s resonating with me now with everything happening in the world. So many children and people are suffering. It's hard to watch the news. My anxiety is riding so high those days that I struggle to read a book, watch TV, or concentrate on anything.
So, I started making a crane yesterday. It's shit, folded terribly, inside out so you can't see the pattern and it falls over constantly. I had to rewind the video a few times to understand what exactly the person was doing. Folding with one colour paper does not translate well to video, FYI. I'll make another one, maybe two today. It brings a mindfulness to the moment. You have to focus on what you’re doing to a tiny piece of paper, making sure the folds are right, and that it twists in the right way.
My crane does not look like this. At all. It’s more of an idea of a crane right now. But I will continue to make them and think of the people and children who could do with a bit of light in their lives right now. I can’t do much else as I wait for the op.
This is some high-level origami ninja shit.
The brain op is coming
And that's it. I've finished up at work and I’m not sure when I'll be back.
Reality sunk in after saying goodbye to colleagues. The enormity of what is coming up hit me and I drunkenly sobbed my heart out in the back of an Uber. Sorry, Mohammed, the wonderfully patient driver who had great advice. Also, good luck with the new job.
The operation has been a concept for the majority of this year. Now there is a firm date and the days are counting down. I’ve received confirmation letters and phone calls and it feels like this is actually going ahead. Which is awful.
I don’t want an operation. I don’t want a brain tumour. I don’t want any of this. I just want to get on with things, trundling along with my lovely partner. I don’t know what life will look like on the other side. People seem to range from I went back to work after a month to I lost the ability to move the right side of my body and I’ll never walk again. It’s so inconsistent.
My little project management heart is not coping well.
To distract myself, I’ve started dismantling furniture. I don’t know why. It seems like a good idea. There are some things that can be better used or stored. I’ve even booked a trip to the tip. The kitchen is full of black bags of stuff.
Yeah, I’m not good at doing nothing it seems. Any advice on how to stop, let me know.
Claire x
Beautifully written, Claire. My heart is always with you 🌸