Recovering from recovery
Getting through the boredom
My skin looks amazing right now. Half a facelift and facial paralysis and my skin is so smooth. Those deep wrinkles on my forehead and around my eyes are gone. I can understand why so many people have surgery when you can get results like this. My eyebrow is beginning to move again, I guess the lines will come back, but I'm going to enjoy the moment.
Silver linings and all that.
Meanwhile, the recovery continues, and I'm so bored. Seeing friends are markers in how far I've come. I forget how bad things were, how I needed help getting my sippy cup the right way round to drink, living off half a spoonful of mashed potato and a babybel each day, needing help to stand up, etc. Their joy in my improvements help me.
Things are generally getting better. I have hours of physio exercises to do each day and they do work. My eyes are pointing the same way, most of the time. I can stand up and walk a little way by myself. The physio has limited my screen and reading time, which makes sense, but I'm bored. I mainly listen to podcasts and watch magpies fighting pigeons on our roof.
And sleep. I sleep so much.
The headaches started a few weeks ago and have taken my breath away. They are completely debilitating. The pain is something else and paracetamol doesn't usually touch them. I had an MRI recently and collapsed. I had physio and can't tell you how I got home. Other days, I seem fine, chatty as usual, bossing my husband around. But the headaches are crushing. I wonder what cause them. Is it my brain reclaiming the space left after the tumour was removed? Is it the brain juice sloshing about in the hole?
I'm actually quite curious to see what my skull looks like now. Is there a gap waiting for the brain to fill it? What does the titanium mesh look like? Where does it go? How much tumour has been left and where?
I've been left with a permanent ridge along the side of my forehead, close to my temple, and another along my cheekbone. I can feel the tops of screws by the scar on my head. Also there is no feeling on that side of my face and head. I use a hot water bottle when the headaches come and I can't feel the heat from it. Yes, it's weird.
When I'm up to it, I potter about the house, look at the bulbs growing in my planter (so glad I did this last year) and trying to work out what is coming up. So far, I recognise daffs, tulips, and crocuses. But there's other things too and I can't remember what they are. Fun times when they bloom.
I'm frustrated. I want to be doing more, but I can't. I test the boundaries and it knocks me out. I went to a different hospital for physio, walked along a busy road about 50 metres, had physio for an hour, came home and spent four days on the sofa unable to do very much but sleep. Recovery experiences seem to vary so much according to the type of tumour and the operation. Some people go back to work in a couple of months, others have been medically retired. I guess I'm somewhere in the middle of all that.
I've never been great at patience.
But my skin looks great at the moment, though I'll never do Botox.
Hope you're well
Claire x